‘Tis the season for presents, and hugs, and laughter, and (always) great music!

This week’s post offers a cornucopia of memes, puns and jokes — some about Christmas, some about classic rock, some about both. And it also includes a playlist of funny holiday parody songs.

I hope some of these will have you smiling, or chuckling, or even laughing out loud and sharing with others. After all, spreading good cheer is what this season is all about.

Happy holidays to all!

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Bill Withers’ manager once said to him, “You know, the lyrics to ‘Ain’t No Sunshine’ are kind of lame.”  He replied, “I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know…”

I changed the voice on my GPS to Bono.  It’s not working out so well.  Now the streets have no name, and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

Elvis Costello is planning to tour this fall along with ABBA.  It’ll be the ABBA and Costello Tour. I wonder who’s on first.

I own two shirts and some neckwear previously owned by John Phillips of The Mamas and The Papas.  All the sleeves are brown, and the tie is gray.

The members of Aerosmith have written an Asian cookbook.  It’s called “Wok This Way.”

I remember going to see Dr. Hook in the ‘70s.  Worst prostate exam ever.

Bono and The Edge walked into a pub.  The bartender said, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

I’m obsessed about collecting the Beatles’ 45s, and I have all but one.  I really need Help!

I’ve got two or three more Motown puns left in me.  Four tops.

The fact that Keith Richards and Willie Nelson have outlived Richard Simmons has me questioning this whole “eat right and exercise” thing.

It’s amazing how  music can transport you to another place.  For instance, the bistro I was in today was playing The Osmonds, so I went to another restaurant.

I have front row seats for a Pearl Jam concert next week.  It doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than that.

My wife told me she hates Hall and Oates and insists I get rid of their albums.  I said to her, “I can’t go for that.  No can do.” 

If you asked me my favorite rock band, if I was being subjective, I’d say The Who.  If I was being objective, I’d say The Whom.

I changed all my passwords to Kenny.  Now I have all Kenny Loggins.

There’s a concert coming up where tickets are only 45 cents.  The Headliner is 50 Cent, and the warmup act is Nickelback.

Ever since I lost my pizza cutter, I use my Bryan Adams CD.  It cuts like a knife.

Just found out Phil Collins isn’t his real name.  It’s a Su-Su-pseudonym. 

Johnny Nash’s girlfriend Lorraine found out he was more interested in dating Claire Lee.  Lorraine dumped him, but Johnny said:  “I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone…”  

Why did Procol Harum suddenly stop playing in the middle of a performance of “A Whiter Shade of Pale”?  Organ failure.

My wife demanded that I stop singing The Monkees song “I’m a Believer.”  At first I thought she was kidding.  Then I saw her face.  

When I got pulled over yesterday, the cop asked me if I had a police record.  I said, “Yes, I have ‘Synchronicity.’  Great album.”

Lady Gaga is back out on tour, and The Goo Goo Dolls will be the warmup act.  They’re calling it “The Goo Goo Gaga Tour.”

Stevie Nicks ran for office last month, but the landslide brought her down.

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How much does Santa have to pay to park his sleigh? Nothing. It’s on the house.

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only four days left before Christmas.

I’m not allowed to sing Christmas carols at the psychiatric hospital anymore.  Apparently, “Do You Hear What I Hear” was a poor choice.

This year, I’m just going to jingle part of the way. I’m exhausted!

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Nearly 40 years ago, Bob Rivers, a veteran disc jockey from Connecticut, was listening to the same old familiar Christmas tunes for the umpteenth time, playing incessantly on the radio, in the mall, at parties, everywhere.  “Enough!” he shouted, and decided he needed to give these seasonal songs a new twist.  Or, more accurately, he wanted to replace the real lyrics with something twisted.

In the tradition of musical comics like Allan Sherman, Tom Lehrer and Weird Al Yankovic, Rivers penned several parodies, using traditional Christmas songs, then gathered a few like-minded friends and studio musician acquaintances and made recordings of his amusing concoctions.  The result, released just in time for the 1987 Christmas season, was an album called “Bob Rivers’ Twisted Christmas,” a collection of Yuletide selections, both secular and hymn-like, with radically different (not to mention hilarious) lyrics.

Ho ho ho!