You make me laugh, you make me smile

Some people love to quote lines from classic movies. Others cite the best lines from their favorite poems. Me? I’m all about classic rock lyrics! But my readers already know this, seeing as how this will be my 12th Lyrics Quiz on Hack’s Back Pages.

In the past, I’ve selected lyrics from Beatles songs, Paul Simon tunes, soul records, songs from movies, hit singles, deep tracks and more. This time around, I’ve chosen 20 classic rock songs with lyrics that make us smile, chuckle or laugh out loud.

Take a look at the 20 lines listed below, ruminate on them, and write down your answers on a piece of paper. Then scroll down to see how many you identified correctly, and read a little bit of background about each one. There’s a Spotify playlist at the end so you can listen to where the lyric appears in each track.

Music’s here for us to love each day. Let’s have a little fun!

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1 “My Maserati does one-eighty-five, /I lost my license, now I don’t drive…”

2 “When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school, it’s a wonder I can think at all…”

3 “Don’t touch my bags if you please, Mister Customs Man…”

4 “There’s a light in your eye, and then a guy says, ‘Out of the car, longhair!’…”

5 “I told you once, you son of a bitch, I’m the best that’s ever been…”

6 “Is there nothing I can take to relieve this bellyache?…”

7 “Now I’m playing it real straight, and yes, I cut my hair, /You might think I’m crazy, but I don’t even care…”

8 “Well, there’s nothing to do, and there’s always room for more, /Fill it, light it, shut up and close that door…”

9 “What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?..”

10 “I wanna squeeze her, but I’m way too low, I would be runnin’ but my feets too slow…”

11 “When I began the game, hear me singin’ ’bout fire and rain, /Let me just say it again, ‘I’ve seen fives and I’ve seen tens’…”

12 “That cigarette you’re smokin’ ’bout scare me half to death, /Open up the window, sucker, let me catch my breath…”

13 “Putting drumsticks on either side of his nose, snorting the best licks in town…”

14 “I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes…”

15 “I whipped off her bloomers and stiffened my thumb, and applied rotation on her sugar plum…”

16 “I was so pleased to be informed of this, that I ran twenty red lights in His honor, /Thank you, Jesus…”

17 “The owner is a mental midget with the I.Q. of a fence post…”

18 “So put down your books and pick up a gun, we’re gonna have a whole lotta fun…”

19 “Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best, and he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest…”

20 “I’m blowing the day to take a walk in the sun, /And fall on my face on somebody’s new-mown lawn…”

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1 “Life’s Been Good,” Joe Walsh, 1978

Walsh, one of rock’s best guitarists, has always been one of rock’s more colorful characters as well, joking about life and keeping things light. In his biggest hit from his aptly named “But Seriously Folks” album, he makes fun of himself and his excessive rock star tendencies in multiple verses. I love the irony in someone owning an expensive car but unable to drive it because his license was taken away!

2 “Kodachrome,” Paul Simon, 1973

Most of us have memories of suffering through required high school classes full of useless information we’d never need later in life. Simon found a way to nail this nearly universal sentiment in one of pop music’s most cynical opening lines. The rest of “Kodachrome” is a breezy yet thoughtful appreciation of the things that color our world, but that first line cracks me up every time I hear it, and I always sing along at top volume.

3 “Comin’ Into Los Angeles,” Arlo Guthrie, 1969

Guthrie had made his name as a wry songwriter with the epic “Alice’s Restaurant Massacree” in 1967, and then cemented his street cred at Woodstock, where he opened his set with this jocular song about a stoned hippie trying to sneak some marijuana into the country.  He’d recorded “Comin’ In to Los Angeles” earlier that year, but its appearance on the “Woodstock” soundtrack album was what made it famous.

4 “Your Mama Don’t Dance,” Loggins & Messina, 1972

Jim Messina’s song tracks the life of a typical teenager stuck with square parents who try to limit his fun times with his girlfriend. On one occasion, they’re gettin’ busy in the back seat when they’re interrupted by a cop, who overreacts with “Out of the car, longhair!” I saw Messina perform here in L.A. a couple years ago, and this song, played near show’s end, is still a big crowd pleaser.

5 “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” Charlie Daniels Band, 1979

The tale of a fiddle competition between Satan and a good ol’ Southern boy was Charlie Daniels’ ticket to the Top 5 of the pop charts in 1979.  Making a deal with the Devil is serious business, but Daniels found a way to make it clever, with the Devil coming out on the short end and the young man Johnny defiantly declaring victory as the better fiddler.

6 “Coconut,” Nilsson, 1972

Harry Nilsson was a very creative songwriter who was once singled out by Lennon and McCartney as one of their favorites, which was no small achievement. He penned some serious, thought provoking songs as well as some whimsical ones, the best known of which was probably “Coconut,” which builds and builds as it repeats the prescription for the protagonist’s bellyache and other ills.

7 “Hip To Be Square,” Huey Lewis and The News, 1986

Huey Lewis and The News were pegged as a frat boy party band, with a relatively clean look and stage persona. So it wasn’t too much of a stretch when Lewis and the band wrote this fun tune that claimed it was OK to follow the rules and conform to society’s expectations. Hipsters of the ’80s loved the irony of the lyrics and took to cutting their hair short and wearing “square” clothing styles. What a hoot.

8 “Shanty,” Jonathan Edwards, 1971

Edwards, best known for his 1971 hit “Sunshine,” also wrote this wonderfully cheeky song about staying home and putting a good buzz on. There was plenty of that going on in the early ’70s, but at that time, songwriters had to be relatively discreet in talking about it, and Edwards did a fine job of using humor to do just that.  I love singing along to this one, usually with a knowing wink and a smile.

9 “With a Little Help From My Friends,” The Beatles, 1967

As sessions for the landmark “Sgt. Pepper” album were drawing to a close, they still hadn’t come up with a song that featured Ringo on vocals, as each previous album had done. So John and Paul collaborated on this self-deprecating singalong, with lyrics that poked fun at their drummer’s sometimes shaky vocal abilities. Pretty gutsy, and amusing, to begin a song by apologizing if the singer sounds off-key.

10 “Rockin’ Pneumonia and the Boogie-Woogie Flu,” Johnny Rivers, 1972

In 1957, the US was hit with outbreaks of both the “walking” pneumonia and the “asian flu.” Huey “Piano” Smith, an R&B artist who helped influence the direction rock and roll music would take, turned those illnesses into musical maladies in this lighthearted rocker. His version stalled at #56 on the pop charts, but in 1972, singer Johnny Rivers revived the tune and made it a #6 hit in early 1973.

11 “Money Machine,” James Taylor, 1976

Taylor writes and sings a lot of “feel good” music with lyrics that evoke warm thoughts and emotions, but he’s not exactly a jokester as a rule. Still, the occasional deep track offers a playful line or two that makes me smile. Consider this lyric from “Money Machine,” an exuberant song from his 1976 LP “In the Pocket” that satirizes his breakthrough hit “Fire and Rain” while skewering the endless pursuit of fame and fortune.

12 “Mama Told Me (Not to Come),” Three Dog Night, 1970

Newman is most recently known for his delightful tunes in the “Toy Story” trilogy and other animated films, but he’s been writing sardonic, wry lyrics since his late ’60s career debut. He’s the guy who wrote “Mama Told Me (Not to Come),” the humorous #1 hit for Three Dog Night in which the naive narrator shares his anxiety and discomfort attending a party where drinking and drug use are rampant.

13 “Lather,” Jefferson Airplane, 1968

Grace Slick was the most striking, visible member of the band with a fabulous rock voice, but she didn’t write very many songs. But when she did, she made them count: “White Rabbit” is hers, as is the captivating leadoff track from the “Crown of Creation” album, “Lather,” which she wrote about Spencer Dryden, the band’s drummer. Her description of his cocaine use always struck me as funny.

14 “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” Jimmy Buffett, 1978

Buffett has made a successful career writing and performing songs that make us smile and laugh: “The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful,” “It’s Midnight and I’m Not Famous Yet,” “Off to See the Lizard,” “Last Mango in Paris.” He somehow found a way to turn one of his funniest songs — an ode to the almighty cheeseburger — into a lucrative restaurant chain. How do you like your cheeseburger?

15 “Dinah-Moe Humm,” Frank Zappa, 1973

From the early Mothers of Invention LPs to his many solo albums, Zappa had his tongue firmly in cheek when he wrote his lyrics. Sometimes clean, often dirty, his songs went where other songwriters dared not tread: “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow,” “Valley Girl,” “Your Dirty Love,” “Stick It Out.” Top of the list is the outrageously hilarious “Dinah-Moe Humm,” which focuses on a wager about an orgasm(!).

16 “Far Away Eyes,” The Rolling Stones, 1978

Thanks to the influence of the late Gram Parsons, the Jagger-Richard songwriting axis often leaned toward country rock, most notably on “Wild Horses” in 1971. On their ferocious 1978 comeback LP “Some Girls,” The Stones wrote their most country-ish song of all, “Far Away Eyes,” in which the narrator recalls listening to gospel radio and preposterously concluding God will let him get away with ignoring traffic laws.

17 “The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me),” Tom Waits, 1976

Jazz/blues/rock singer Waits writes wryly perceptive songs about the underbelly of society, delivered in a gravelly voice that gives them realism. On his 1976 album “Small Change,” Waits offers this marvelous example of wordplay in a droll, stream-of-consciousness manner that’s as amusing as it is profound. You decide — is it Waits or the piano that’s been doing the drinking?

18 “I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-To-Die Rag,” Country Joe and The Fish, 1967

There were plenty of creatively strange musicians in the Bay Area in the ’60s, and “Country” Joe McDonald was certainly one of them. Of the many anti-war songs written during the Vietnam era, McDonald’s “we’re all gonna die” folk tune was the morbidly funniest. In the “Woodstock” film, his performance of it was accompanied by a trailer at the bottom of the movie screen with lyrics and a bouncing ball!

19 “Excitable Boy,” Warren Zevon, 1978

There are probably a dozen or more songs in Zevon’s impressive catalog of original material that qualify as humorous, topped by his 1978 surprise hit “Werewolves of London.” I’ve always been partial to the title song from that same album, “Excitable Boy,” which has background vocals by Linda Ronstadt and Jennifer Warnes. The crazy young man does several gruesome things, but the incident in this lyric is just bizarre.

20 “Daydream,” The Lovin’ Spoonful, 1966

John Sebastian, the happy-go-lucky singer and songwriter behind The Lovin’ Spoonful, wrote some of the best “good time jug music” of the ’60s, hitting the charts a dozen times during their four-year run. One of the silliest and most popular was “Daydream,” which encouraged everyone to chill and enjoy watching the days go by. This lyric image always made me chuckle when it came along on the radio.

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There is still a light that shines on me

When Apple Records released The Beatles’ “Let It Be” album in May 1970, the world was still reeling from Paul McCartney’s public announcement the previous month that the band had broken up. (John Lennon had told the group privately six months earlier that he “wanted a divorce,” and George Harrison had already begun sessions for his solo debut, but the public had only just learned that the end had come.)

As a loyal fan, I bought the LP right away, but not with the excitement and eager anticipation I’d had with “The White Album” in late 1968 or “Abbey Road” in autumn 1969. “Let It Be,” apparently, would be The Beatles’ last album, which forever tainted it in the minds of many.

It was a strange record. Two of the songs (“Get Back” and “Let It Be”) had already been released as singles; four others seemed to have been recorded in some sort of live setting; two tracks (“Dig It” and “Maggie Mae”) were pretty much inconsequential filler; one tune (“One After 909”) was a Lennon-McCartney chestnut resurrected from their teen years; and sprinkled throughout were weird tidbits of verbal outbursts (mostly from Lennon). The album’s ragged nature seemed a letdown after the astonishing, polished work on “Abbey Road.”

There was mention of a “Let It Be” film that documented the making of the album, but it saw only limited release and was soon pulled from distribution, evidently because it was roundly panned and The Beatles themselves didn’t much care for it either. So I never saw it until years later. In fact, I went with my friend Barney one day in 1978 to a small Cleveland theater that was showing “Let It Be” in a double feature with “Magical Mystery Tour,” another neglected Beatle film project. (We never saw either film that day because theater personnel threw us out after I mischievously fired up a joint as the movie was just beginning!)

When I finally saw “Let It Be” a couple days later, I agreed with the critics who found it to be a dreary, uncomfortable, ultimately depressing look at my favorite band on the verge of dissolution. They all looked so glum and serious, with no sense of fun or even shared creativity. They sat in silence or bickered, and there was a clear sense that things were collapsing, and no one seemed to care. Sure there were a few entertaining moments, mostly the rooftop concert sequences, but I concluded they were right to bury the film in the archives.

What I never knew until about a year ago is that the film’s director, Michael Lindsay-Hogg, had shot nearly 60 hours of film, and sound crews had captured 150 hours of music and conversational recordings. Peter Jackson, the award-winning filmmaker behind “Lord of the Rings” and a huge Beatles fan himself, had always wished for the opportunity to review those source materials to see what was there, and four years ago, Apple Records gave him the green light to delve into them.

Beatles fans worldwide should thank their lucky stars that a talent like Jackson was selected for the task. In “Get Back,” his triumphant, seven-hour documentary released on Thanksgiving on Disney+, his efforts paid off handsomely, with grainy film images digitally restored and enhanced, and the sometimes unintelligible audio cleaned up to such a degree that what we see and hear is a thrilling revelation. True, it may be a bit long and sometimes tedious for the casual fan, but for rabid Beatles fans and professional musicians, it’s Shangri-La.

Most notably, we learn that the prevailing myth advanced by the “Let It Be” movie — that the sessions were nothing but ugliness and toxicity — is simply untrue. Granted, things started off shakily when they first convened in the cavernous Twickenham film studio, a cold environment hardly conducive to conviviality or productivity. The guys seemed understandably self-conscious about the cameras and microphones recording their every move, and they often showed up late, or not at all. However, once they moved the proceedings to the new studio set-up in the basement of the Apple Records office, the mood improved significantly, thanks in large part to the arrival of their old friend Billy Preston, who had only stopped by to say hello while in London but ended up staying for a week and contributing enormously to the vibe and the musical recordings.

It was mesmerizing to me to be a fly on the wall, witnessing the resilience and raw talent of John, Paul, George and Ringo, these four men I had idolized my whole life, as they coped with the absurd circumstances: They had reluctantly agreed to be filmed writing, rehearsing and recording an album’s worth of new songs in preparation for a live performance three weeks ahead, location still undecided. Talk about pressure.

We get to see several of The Beatles’ classic tunes transformed from rudimentary sketches to finished product, particularly “Get Back” and “Don’t Let Me Down.” It’s the arduous process of songwriting and track recording, and while it may go on all the time for rock bands everywhere, it rarely happens with cameras rolling, and here it’s the bloody Beatles, for crying out loud!

As one young songwriter put it in a Washington Post article the other day: “You never get to see someone in that moment of making something up, especially a song like ‘Get Back’ that you know so well. That was totally incredible… Watching Paul do it that way, where he’s just plugging and plugging and plugging until he gets it, that’s how it actually happens.”

Said another musician: “This whole endeavor — writing songs — is filled with failure. Most people think, ‘Oh, the Beatles, everything they did turned to gold.’ Wrong. You’re always trying and discarding things and searching for the right thing. There’s a lot of sitting around, a lot of screwing around, a lot of playing nonsense music. Then there’s also a lot of slogging away, trying to get what you’re actually working on to be great. The reality is it often has to sound bad before it sounds good. These eight hours reaffirm that.”

“Get Back” offered many other discoveries, most of them pleasant, even exhilarating. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that McCartney, Harrison and Lennon seemed to have new songs just pouring out of them at this stage. (Even Ringo Starr debuted the beginning of his song “Octopus’s Garden” during these sessions.) In addition to the amazing McCartney songs that would end up on the “Let It Be” album, including “Two of Us” and “The Long and Winding Road,” we also hear him toying with early drafts of tunes that would end up on “Abbey Road” (“She Came in Through the Bathroom Window,” “Oh Darling,” “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer,” “Carry That Weight”) or his first solo albums (“Teddy Boy,” “The Back Seat of My Car”).

Lennon’s output included “Dig a Pony” (then known as “All I Want is You”) and “Across the Universe”; early previews of “Mean Mr. Mustard,” “Polythene Pam,” “I Want You (She’s So Heavy),” destined for “Abbey Road”; and “Gimme Some Truth” and a tune known as “Child of Nature,” which would later be recast as “Jealous Guy” on his “Imagine” album.

Harrison, meanwhile, brought “All Things Must Pass,” which The Beatles seriously considered but ultimately set aside, and it ended up the title track of his solo LP nearly two years later. In addition to his songs “I Me Mine” and “For You Blue,” which made the cut for the “Let It Be” album, Harrison also presented the rollicking “Old Brown Shoe” and perhaps his finest ever composition, “Something,” which Lennon later called “the best song on ‘Abbey Road.'”

How fabulous it is that we’re given the opportunity to watch and listen to all these eventual masterpieces played in their earliest forms. It makes me appreciate the finished recordings all the more.

The best part of the original film was, without question, The Beatles performing live on the rooftop. The same holds true in Jackson’s documentary, where we get to watch, for the first time, the entire 43-minute performance uncut, during which they play “Get Back,” “Don’t Let Me Down,” “One After 909,” “Dig a Pony” and “I’ve Got a Feeling,” some more than once. Running parallel to this excellent footage is the hilarious storyline of the ineffectual London bobbies trying to shut it all down and being stymied by clever Apple staff who hold them at bay as long as they can.

I mustn’t forget to mention how much I really enjoyed the moments in the studio when, as a way of cutting through the lethargy, the band broke into vintage rock oldies like “Blue Suede Shoes,” “Shake, Rattle and Roll” and “Kansas City,” reminding us that, down deep, The Beatles were just a great little rock ‘n’ roll band who became larger-than-life icons — icons that we’re still interested in watching and learning more about, 50-plus years later.

A few other observations:

Paul still comes across as the true workaholic of the group, continually pushing the others to get to work in order to meet deadlines. He acknowledges that he could be overly controlling, but without the late Brian Epstein around to be “the Daddy figure,” someone had to step up. It seems likely the project would’ve fallen apart without his “C’mon, boys” approach, and he deserves credit for that.

John was a listless, unenthusiastic, even disruptive presence at first, clearly showing the effects of his recent dabbling with heroin in the off hours. In the later sections of the documentary, he seems far more engaged, performing the material with renewed purpose, and even joking around with the others.

Yoko Ono, whose influence on John has been widely accused of breaking up the band, rarely left his side, but in her defense, she barely said a word in the sessions, at least in the film sequences we see. (Well, there’s one bit where the band is jamming chaotically, and she pitches in with her signature caterwauling, but that’s an isolated instance.) Paul, George and Ringo may have been less than welcoming to her, overall, but Paul is on record here at one point saying basically, hey guys, they’re in love, give them a break. “If we force him to pick between Yoko and us, he’ll pick Yoko,” he warned. And he was probably right.

George, let’s face it, was tired of being disrespected by Paul and John, and was tired of being a Beatle in general at this point, which led to his five-day departure that caused no small amount of concern among the others. But they coaxed him back, and he showed a more professional, congenial attitude and some fine musical chops on the ensuing recordings, both in the studio and on the rooftop.

Ringo? Well, frankly, he looked bored, tired and unhappy through most of the documentary. I imagine he was thinking, “This used to be so much fun. What the hell happened?” But he still offered occasional moments of levity as well, and was always ready to play when the time came. He had a well-deserved reputation for being a drummer who played to the song, contributing exactly what the arrangement called for. The chugging train beat he came up with for “Get Back” is a perfect case in point, as is the understated work on “The Long and Winding Road.”

The other important characters who show up in the documentary show their true nature, good or bad:

Billy Preston, as mentioned earlier, was a godsend, bringing a calming amiability precisely when it was needed, especially in the studio.

Producer George Martin, so pivotal to The Beatles’ recorded legacy since their beginning in 1962, is reduced almost to a bit player here, but he handles it with aplomb as the cool professional we’ve known him to be.

Engineer/producer Glyn Johns, who would build his own legacy working with The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Kinks, The Eagles and many others, seemed to be grateful just to be asked to participate, sitting amongst the band during playbacks and even during tense conversations. It was Johns, evidently, who solved the problem of where the band should perform the new songs to conclude the film by suggesting the rooftop of the Apple building.

Mal Evans — personal assistant, roadie, friend, all-around good guy — was all of those things for the band before, during and after these sessions. What a hoot to see him procure and then bang on an anvil for a run-through of “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.”

My impression of Director Michael Lindsay-Hogg is that he was a rather annoying presence throughout. He chastised the band when they needed nurturing instead, and he kept pushing to stage the performance in Egypt or Libya when it was clear they weren’t interested. Perhaps he was just trying to do his job in a very trying situation, but I’m guessing The Beatles wondered if they’d made the right decision in bringing him in to direct the project.

Lastly, a heartfelt thanks to Peter Jackson for the time and tender-loving care he put into this extravagant undertaking. Beatles fans around the globe are eternally grateful.

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Here’s a Spotify playlist of the songs that comprise The Beatles’ “Let It Be” 1970 album, and a few of the early drafts heard in Jackson’s documentary.