And you can quote me on that

In my former life as a newspaper reporter, I covered city council meetings and wrote news articles based on what was discussed there. The stories were peppered with quotes from the mayor and council members whose own words sometimes revealed a truer understanding of their inner thoughts on important issues of the day. My reportorial summary of events might explain the particulars about a pending bill or budget matter, but it was their direct quotes that shed the most light.

Public figures — politicians, sports stars, musical artists — have to choose their words carefully because they can reveal their inner character or genuine feelings, and they know the media will capture them and broadcast them, sometimes in a way that is unflattering. That “juicy quote” from the interview was “taken out of context,” they’ll protest, but if it’s on audiotape or videotape, it’s preserved as proof they did say it.

That’s why these folks write books, to tell their story “in their own words.”

When it comes to rock music luminaries, I tend to look at the lyrics to their songs, which they presumably labored to write so they would say precisely (or cryptically) what they meant to say. I love to quote lyrics from well-known songs to help reinforce a point I’m trying to make. Indeed, I have a t-shirt that says “80% of my brain is song lyrics” (and my friends say that’s probably a low estimate).

Here at Hack’s Back Pages, I have periodically posted lyrics quizzes to test my readers’ abilities to recognize which songs of the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s they came from, and which artists sang them. I think it’s a fun way to recall classic songs.

This week’s post is perhaps a bit more challenging. Rather than quote lyrics you’ve probably seen before, I have gathered 25 thought-provoking quotes of things said in books and interviews, and I ask you to guess which of the four multiple-choice answers is the correct source of the quote. Some may be more obvious than others, based on how much you know about the individuals.

Play honestly, now — don’t jump ahead to the answers or the Spotify playlist until after you’ve jotted down your guesses. You might be better at this than you think!

So: Who said it?

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1 “I think people who create and write, it actually does flow into their head from who knows where, into their hand, and they write it down. Nothing pleases me more than to go into a room and come out with a piece of music. It’s simple, really, and for me it’s cathartic. Music is like a psychiatrist.”

Jackson Browne

Paul McCartney

Billy Joel

Dolly Parton

2 “As an adolescent, I was painfully shy and withdrawn. I didn’t have the nerve to sing my songs on stage, and nobody else was doing them. I decided to do them in disguise so I didn’t have to go through the terrifying humiliation of going on stage and being myself.”

Elton John

Peter Gabriel

David Bowie

Gene Simmons

3 “I like to experiment with different instrumentation, keeping the basic format but adding other musicians.  I want to create new sounds, try to transmit my dreams to the audience. Music must always continue to expand further out, further away, using extreme and opposite musical textures, with great contrasts.  Kids listen with open minds, and I don’t want to give them the same things all the time.”

Steve Winwood

Carlos Santana

Donald Fagen

Jimi Hendrix

4 “I really don’t like talking about my songs much. If you have to explain ’em, then they weren’t any good in the first place.”

Bob Dylan

John Lennon

Tom Waits

Paul Simon

5 “I could wind up like a lot of my friends did, burned out or dead, or I could redirect the energy. I’m far from old, but I’m getting older. It was fun, all that hard drinking and hard drugging. No apologies. I just don’t do the things I used to do. That period of my life is over.”

Joe Walsh

Pete Townshend

Stevie Nicks

Jimmy Buffett

6 “I’ve lost a lot of different colors in my voice.  There’s a lot of things you do in singing. You turn your voice to different planes to make different sounds, and gradually I couldn’t do any of that anymore.  Singing is really complex, and I was made most aware of that by having it vanish.  I still sing in my mind, but I can’t do it physically.”

Linda Ronstadt

Madonna

Carole King

Joni Mitchell

7 “I wanted to sing like Nat Cole, with lyrics like Louis Jordan, with the swing of Benny Goodman, playing Carl Hogan’s riffs, and with the soul of Muddy Waters.  Oh, I had it all mixed in there.”

Sam Cooke

Elvis Presley

Marvin Gaye

Chuck Berry

8 “We’d been abused and mocked a lot by the press, so we soon developed a ‘fuck you’ attitude toward them.  We basically stopped doing interviews.  We decided that they needed us more than we needed them.”

Roger Waters

Don Henley

Robert Plant

Ian Anderson

9 “I am, and always will be, a blues guitarist. It was a very powerful drug to be introduced to me, and I absorbed it totally.  I didn’t care for pop music at that time.  Blues was it for me.”

Buddy Guy

Eric Clapton

Stevie Ray Vaughn

Robert Cray

10 “It’s only in recent times that I’ve appreciated how complex the music was.  I was only 24 at the time we wrote it and recorded it.  Yet there are so many weird time changes and musical innovations on the album.  I would say that what we were striving for was more sophisticated than the usual riff rockers you’d find at that time, and certainly more involved than anything we’d done before.”

Ian Anderson

Peter Gabriel

Keith Emerson

Rick Wakeman

11 “One of the most important things in pop music, any music, is the beat.  But in the eyes of the law, it’s melody, harmony and lyrics that matter.  I added the 5/4 time introduction on one of our hits and I suggested that the tempo for another hit was way too fast and should be much slower.  These were both important contributions to those tracks, but I got no credit whatsoever.”

Charlie Watts

Ginger Baker

John Bonham

Max Weinberg

12 “You know, it’s a tricky thing to go freestyle with two guitars.  Most bands with two guitarists either have everything worked out or they stay out of each other’s way, because it’s easy to sound like two cats fighting if you’re not careful.”

Jerry Garcia

Dickey Betts

Tom Johnston

Peter Frampton

13 “Everywhere we look, all they want is to make the most money possible.  This is a dangerous, corrupt notion.  It’s where you see the advent of programming on the radio, and radio research, all these silly things.  That has made pop music the wasteland it is today. Everything – morals, truth, art – is all going out the window in favor of profit.”

Tom Petty

Frank Zappa

Joni Mitchell

Eddie Vedder

14 “I don’t understand why some people will only accept a guitar if it has an instantly recognizable guitar sound. Finding ways to use the same guitar people have been playing for years to make sounds no one has heard before — that’s truly what gets me off.”

Jeff Beck

Peter Frampton

Carlos Santana

Robin Trower

15 “We’re not interested in rock/jazz fusion. That has only resulted in ponderous results so far.  We play rock and roll, but we swing when we play.  We want that ongoing flow, that lightness, that forward rush of jazz.”

Boz Scaggs

Walter Becker

Van Morrison

Bryan Ferry

16 “I’m a victim of my own insides.  There was a time when I wanted to know everything.  It used to make me very unhappy, all that feeling.  I just didn’t know what to do with it.  But now I’ve learned to make that feeling work for me.  I’m full of emotion and I want a release, and if you’re on stage, and if it’s really working and you’ve got the audience with you, it’s so sublime.”

Stevie Nicks

Chrissie Hynde

Janis Joplin

Carly Simon

17 “How innocent and naive we all were.  That contract was terrible for all of us financially — our royalty rate was 10 percent, paid out of net sales, not gross — but for me, as the sole creator of the material, there were long-reaching implications.  The manager owned the copyright on all our songs, lock, stock and barrel.  But I didn’t really discover this until two years later.”

Pete Townshend

John Fogerty

John Phillips

John Sebastian

18 “I wanted to craft a record that sounded like the last record on Earth, the last one you’d ever need to hear.  It used classic rock ‘n’ roll images — the road, the car, the girl — but to make them matter, I knew I had to shape them into something fresh.  It took six months to write, slowly, searching for words I could stand to sing.”

Bruce Springsteen

Brian Wilson

Todd Rundgren

Chuck Berry

19 “I was exhausted from touring, from giving interviews, from the ongoing catastrophe that was my personal life. I considered myself an album artist, and I’d inadvertently become this huge singles machine, having smash after smash. But your records aren’t going to make #1 forever. I knew someone else would eventually come along.”

Michael Jackson

Elton John

Madonna

Freddie Mercury

20 “I used to sit on the edge of my bed with a six-pack of Schlitz Malt talls. My brother would go out at 7PM to party and get laid, and when he’d come back at 3AM, I would still be sitting in the same place, playing guitar. I did that for years.”

Eddie Van Halen

Lindsey Buckingham

Joe Perry

Mark Knopfler

21 “I felt like a puppet in a circus, and I wanted more freedom in determining my creative direction. With the world exploding around me, how was I supposed to keep singing love songs all the time?”

Marvin Gaye

Cher

Stevie Wonder

Mike Nesmith

22 “Sure, I have regrets. I regret all the time I wasted being smashed. More recently, I’ve alienated nearly everyone I know. All the guys I’ve made music with won’t talk to me now. I don’t quite know how to undo the things I’ve said and done.”

David Crosby

Mick Fleetwood

Steven Tyler

Axl Rose

23 “I appreciated being picked one of the top fifty performers in rock, but who is number one and who is number two? The Rolling Stones? The Beatles? James Brown? Jimi Hendrix?  I encouraged all of them, I talked to them, and off they went.  Good for them.  They’re always going to be in front of me.”

Little Richard

Chuck Berry

Jerry Lee Lewis

Fats Domino

24 “There were times when my dad would say, ‘How long are you going to do this? You have no money, you’re not happy, you work constantly at dead-end jobs, you clean houses, you get sick very easily, you’re living in Los Angeles. Why are you doing this?’ And I would just say, ‘Because this is what I came here to do.'”

Stevie Nicks

Tina Turner

Bonnie Raitt

Cyndi Lauper

25 “Knowing when to quit is probably a very important thing, but I just am not ready.  I think it surprises a lot of people that I’m still around, you know.  I sometimes wonder how many of these lifetime achievement awards you can accept before you have to do the decent thing and die.”

Joni Mitchell

James Taylor

Van Morrison

Dave Mason

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*

*

*

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*

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ANSWERS:

1 “I think people who create and write, it actually does flow into their head from who knows where, into their hand, and they write it down. Nothing pleases me more than to go into a room and come out with a piece of music. It’s simple, really, and for me it’s cathartic. Music is like a psychiatrist.”

Paul McCartney

Dolly Parton, Jackson Browne and Billy Joel each wrote hundreds of songs, sometimes rather effortlessly, but no one has made it look easier than Paul McCartney, who was clearly born with an uncanny talent for writing likable, accessible melodies pretty much every time he sat down with a guitar or at a piano.

*

2 “As an adolescent, I was painfully shy and withdrawn. I didn’t have the nerve to sing my songs on stage, and nobody else was doing them. I decided to do them in disguise so I didn’t have to go through the terrifying humiliation of going on stage and being myself.”

David Bowie

It’s hard to imagine a supreme showman like David Bowie considered himself “painfully shy and withdrawn,” but it was that reluctance to bare his soul that resulted in his chameleon-like approach to public presentation over his 50-year career. Over the decades, he seemed to become more comfortable being himself on stage, but at first, it was Ziggy, the Thin White Duke and other characters that he hid behind when he performed.

*

3 “I like to experiment with different instrumentation, keeping the basic format but adding other musicians.  I want to create new sounds, try to transmit my dreams to the audience.  Music must always continue to expand further out, further away, using extreme and opposite musical textures, with great contrasts.  Kids listen with open minds, and I don’t want to give them the same things all the time.”

Jimi Hendrix

Of all the talented musicians who left us far too early, I think Jimi Hendrix’s demise at age 27 was the most tragic. Clearly, he had so much more in store for us. His visionary approach to music making was as important as the extraordinary execution of it on the four albums he released during his lifetime and the unfinished work that came out posthumously. He championed experimentation as much as anyone in rock music history.

*

4 “I really don’t like talking about my songs much. If you have to explain ’em, then they weren’t any good in the first place.”

Bob Dylan

Many songwriters prefer to let their lyrics speak for themselves. Lately, Bob Dylan has been more forthcoming in interviews or in his own memoirs about what inspired his songs, but in his early days, he was notorious for remaining silent or aloof when asked to expand on the meaning behind his works. The above quote came from a 1966 talk with a persistent reporter who demanded to know more about “Like a Rolling Stone.”

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5 “I could wind up like a lot of my friends did, burned out or dead, or I could redirect the energy. I’m far from old, but I’m getting older. It was fun, all that hard drinking and hard drugging. No apologies. I just don’t do the things I used to do. That period of my life is over.”

Jimmy Buffett

“Wasted away again in Margaritaville” was more than a song lyric. It was Buffett’s proudly stated lifestyle, and he pursued it for more than 30 years before deciding it was time to become a more responsible citizen and businessman. He said in 2000 he felt fortunate that he didn’t find it as difficult to make the major lifestyle change as some of his contemporaries did.

*

6 “I’ve lost a lot of different colors in my voice.  There’s a lot of things you do in singing. You turn your voice to different planes to make different sounds, and gradually I couldn’t do any of that anymore.  Singing is really complex, and I was made most aware of that by having it vanish.  I still sing in my mind, but I can’t do it physically.”

Linda Ronstadt

Over time, virtually every singer eventually loses some of their ability to control the pitch, sustain, volume or power of their voice. In the heartbreaking case of Linda Ronstadt, a case of Parkinson’s has robbed her of all of those qualities, which forced her to retire from the stage in 2011, well before she would’ve liked. She handled the blow with uncommon grace, instead focusing on encouraging young singers looking for a career like hers.

*

7 “I wanted to sing like Nat Cole, with lyrics like Louis Jordan, with the swing of Benny Goodman, playing Carl Hogan’s riffs, and with the soul of Muddy Waters.  Oh, I had it all mixed in there.”

Chuck Berry

Out of the rock ‘n’ roll pioneers who first made an impression, Chuck Berry was the one who brought the whole package — songwriting, guitar hooks, the “duck walk,” great vocals, the works. In 1987, to promote his star turn in the concert documentary film “Hail! Hail! Rock ‘n’ Roll,” Berry appeared on Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show,” where he summarized what he felt he brought to the table as a performing artist.

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8 “We’d been abused and mocked a lot by the press, so we soon developed a ‘fuck you’ attitude toward them.  We basically stopped doing interviews.  We decided that they needed us more than we needed them.”

Don Henley

The Eagles didn’t get much respect from critics during their first couple of albums and tours, and it led to the band (Henley and Glenn Frey in particular) harboring a serious grudge against them. Once they hit #1 with “One of These Nights” and sold out arenas, they concluded they didn’t have to subject themselves to media derision and chose to just clam up instead.

*

9 “I am, and always will be, a blues guitarist. It was a very powerful drug to be introduced to me, and I absorbed it totally.  I didn’t care for pop music at that time.  Blues was it for me.”

Eric Clapton

When The Yardbirds, originally a blues group, started having hits with pop songs, Eric Clapton was not pleased. He didn’t want to be part of the pop scene, so he left the band to join John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers and then formed Cream in order to fully realize his passion for blues music. Ironically, his later solo career included many pop tunes, but he always returned to the blues numbers for which he was most famous.

*

10 “It’s only in recent times that I’ve appreciated how complex the music was.  I was only 24 at the time we wrote it and recorded it.  Yet there are so many weird time changes and musical innovations on the album.  I would say that what we were striving for was more sophisticated than the usual riff rockers you’d find at that time, and certainly more involved than anything we’d done before.”

Ian Anderson

The lengthy progressive rock pieces written by the likes of Genesis and Yes during the 1969-1974 period were indeed complex, sophisticated and involved. In this case it was Ian Anderson who was referring to the 45-minute opus “Thick as a Brick,” regarded by many as Jethro Tull’s finest achievement. It boggles the mind that he and his collaborators were still young adults when they arranged and recorded this ambitious work.

*

11 “One of the most important things in pop music, any music, is the beat.  But in the eyes of the law, it’s melody, harmony and lyrics that matter.  I added the 5/4 time introduction on one of our hits and I suggested that the tempo for another hit was way too fast and should be much slower.  These were both important contributions to those tracks, but I got no credit whatsoever.”

Ginger Baker

The tempestuous drummer was referring to his influence on the recordings of “White Room” and “Sunshine Of Your Love,” Cream’s two most familiar hits on the pop charts. Songwriting credit went to Jack Bruce and lyricist Pete Brown, and Eric Clapton, but Baker got no piece of the royalties pie in either case. He did get composer credit for three or four songs in the Cream catalog, but they were deep tracks that received little airplay and, therefore, negligible financial reward.

*

12 “You know, it’s a tricky thing to go freestyle with two guitars.  Most bands with two guitarists either have everything worked out or they stay out of each other’s way, because it’s easy to sound like two cats fighting if you’re not careful.”

Dickey Betts (right)

Bands like The Doobie Brothers, Blue Oyster Cult and Humble Pie all had success with twin-guitar lineups, but it was Dickey Betts and Duane Allman who were the gold standard for intertwining two hot guitarists in both improvisational and tightly arranged formats. Just cue up The Allman Brothers’ live version of “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed” for all the evidence you need regarding their amazing talents.

*

13 “Everywhere we look, all they want is to make the most money possible.  This is a dangerous, corrupt notion.  It’s where you see the advent of programming on the radio, and radio research, all these silly things.  That has made pop music the wasteland it is today. Everything – morals, truth, art – is all going out the window in favor of profit.”

Tom Petty

Frank Zappa in the ’70s, Joni Mitchell in the ’80s and Eddie Vedder in the ’90s each prominently spoke out against unfair business practices in the music industry, but Tom Petty was the mainstream artist that first stood up to record label pricing structures. He remained a vocal opponent of corporate greed and hypocrisy throughout his 40 years in the business.

*

14 “I don’t understand why some people will only accept a guitar if it has an instantly recognizable guitar sound. Finding ways to use the same guitar people have been playing for years to make sounds no one has heard before — that’s truly what gets me off.”

Jeff Beck

Peter Frampton, Carlos Santana and Robin Trower all experimented with the way a lead guitar could sound on rock recordings, with satisfying results. No one was more passionate about pushing the sonic boundaries of electric guitar than Jeff Beck, whose catalog offers dozens of instrumental LPs that allowed him to showcase his ability to merge technology with soulful blues, rock and jazz.

15 “We’re not interested in rock/jazz fusion. That has only resulted in ponderous results so far.  We play rock and roll, but we swing when we play.  We want that ongoing flow, that lightness, that forward rush of jazz.”

Walter Becker (left)

The utterly unique sound of Steely Dan’s records was achieved by the musical minds of Walter Becker and Donald Fagen, who co-wrote all the songs, performed various instruments, and brought in the industry’s best session players to flesh out their imaginative arrangements. They both grew up on jazz and blues and early rock ‘n’ roll, and their songs showed the influence of each genre.

*

16 “I’m a victim of my own insides.  There was a time when I wanted to know everything.  It used to make me very unhappy, all that feeling.  I just didn’t know what to do with it.  But now I’ve learned to make that feeling work for me.  I’m full of emotion and I want a release, and if you’re on stage, and if it’s really working and you’ve got the audience with you, it’s so sublime.”

Janis Joplin

Growing up in small-town Texas, Joplin felt like a fish out of water, never really fitting in at school or the community at large. Once she relocated to San Francisco and began belting out soulful blues with various bands, she found her groove, but she remained restless and anxious much of the time. Drugs and alcohol temporarily eased her pain but ultimately cut her life short.

*

17 “How innocent and naive we all were.  That contract was terrible for all of us financially — our royalty rate was 10 percent, paid out of net sales, not gross — but for me, as the sole creator of the material, there were long-reaching implications.  The manager owned the copyright on all our songs, lock, stock and barrel.  But I didn’t really discover this until two years later.”

John Fogerty

From rock music’s earliest days, the managers and record label suits have conspired to give the shaft to recording groups and artists. John Sebastian (with The Lovin’ Spoonful) and John Phillips (with the Mamas and Papas), not to mention Pete Townshend and The Who, all were taken advantage of with their initial recording contracts. The worst deal of the era was no doubt the one John Fogerty signed during his first days with Creedence Clearwater Revival. He paid the price for several decades.

*

18 “I wanted to craft a record that sounded like the last record on Earth, the last one you’d ever need to hear.  It used classic rock ‘n’ roll images — the road, the car, the girl — but to make them matter, I knew I had to shape them into something fresh.  It took six months to write, slowly, searching for words I could stand to sing.”

Bruce Springsteen

Brimming with enthusiasm and effervescent music, Springsteen’s first two albums nevertheless were met with ambivalence by critics and the public, and he knew he had to aim big for his next record, which turned out to be “Born to Run,” an anthem to top all rock anthems. Nearly 50 years after its release, it remains one of his signature tunes, performed at virtually every concert since 1975.

*

19 “I was exhausted from touring, from giving interviews, from the ongoing catastrophe that was my personal life. I considered myself an album artist, and I’d inadvertently become this huge singles machine, having smash after smash. But your records aren’t going to make #1 forever. I knew someone else would eventually come along.”

Elton John

If you saw the “Rocket Man” biopic film, you know all about the stratospheric arc and damaging excesses that marked Elton John’s career in the mid-’70s. He went from artful LPs like “Tumbleweed Connection” and “Madman Across the Water” to teen-friendly singles like “Bennie and the Jets” and “The Bitch is Back,” and the subsequent superstar fame came at a cost.

*

20 “I used to sit on the edge of my bed with a six-pack of Schlitz Malt talls. My brother would go out at 7PM to party and get laid, and when he’d come back at 3AM, I would still be sitting in the same place, playing guitar. I did that for years.”

Eddie Van Halen

Just as Olympic athletes became great by putting in the proverbial 10,000 hours of practice, so did virtuoso instrumentalists like Eddie Van Halen. Many budding guitarists squirreled themselves away in their teenage bedrooms honing their chops, which paid off in a big way for Joe Perry (Aerosmith), Lindsey Buckingham (Fleetwood Mac) and Mark Knopfler (Dire Straits). The sellout crowds at Van Halen concerts were there mostly to see Eddie work his magic on the frets.

21 “I felt like a puppet in a circus, and I wanted more freedom in determining my creative direction. With the world exploding around me, how was I supposed to keep singing love songs all the time?”

Marvin Gaye

Some of the most popular singers of the ’60s felt hemmed in by the way they were pre-packaged commercially, which prevented them at first from evolving into the artists they envisioned they could be. Marvin Gaye was among them, itching to record songs that spoke about important social issues instead of just romantic relationships. The change came in 1971 with the monumental “What’s Going On” LP.

*

22 “Sure, I have regrets. I regret all the time I wasted being smashed. More recently, I’ve alienated nearly everyone I know. All the guys I’ve made music with won’t talk to me now. I don’t quite know how to undo the things I’ve said and done.”

David Crosby

Always a maverick with a mercurial disposition, David Crosby was tossed out of The Byrds in 1967 and eventually found himself estranged from Stephen Stills and Graham Nash as well, thanks to excessive drug abuse and erratic behavior. A prison term and rehab turned him around, but it didn’t cure him of his prickly reputation, which turned off many who chose to stop working with him.

*

23 “I appreciated being picked one of the top fifty performers in rock, but who is number one and who is number two? The Rolling Stones? The Beatles? James Brown? Jimi Hendrix?  I encouraged all of them, I talked to them, and off they went.  Good for them.  They’re always going to be in front of me.”

Little Richard

Most of the trailblazers of early rock music felt disrespected by the generations of rockers who followed in their footsteps, perhaps none more than Richard “Little Richard” Penniman, a deeply conflicted man who struggled with sexual identity and their place in rock’s hierarchy. Many of rock’s legendary stars got their start working for or alongside Little Richard, but many fans remain unaware how influential he was.

*

24 “There were times when my dad would say, ‘How long are you going to do this? You have no money, you’re not happy, you work constantly at dead-end jobs, you clean houses, you get sick very easily, you’re living in Los Angeles. Why are you doing this?’ And I would just say, ‘Because this is what I came here to do.'”

Stevie Nicks

For seven years, Nicks and her guitarist boyfriend Lindsey Buckingham struggled to make their mark in bands and as a duo, but they had to work demeaning jobs to make ends meet while they continued to dream of eventual stardom. Nicks has said her father urged her to give it up and seek a more stable life outside music, but then Fleetwood Mac came calling, and their careers took off into the stratosphere.

*

25 “Knowing when to quit is probably a very important thing, but I just am not ready.  I think it surprises a lot of people that I’m still around, you know.  I sometimes wonder how many of these lifetime achievement awards you can accept before you have to do the decent thing and die.”

James Taylor

Now 76, Taylor was just 22 when his breakthrough record “Sweet Baby James” put him on the map in 1970. He had a few lean years along the way, but his loyal fan base has kept him performing for five decades, and his “aw shucks” persona seems to attract new generations of followers when most artists his age have hung up their guitars for good.

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They’re just not my cup of tea

Funny thing about popular music:  There’s no accounting for taste.  One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.

Or, as Paul Simon once put it, “One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor.”

Everyone has them:  Hugely successful groups that you just don’t like.

Now, if you’re a classic rock music fan like me, you can’t be naming people like Bobby Goldsboro or The Osmonds.  That’s not the point here.  Of course you don’t like acts like these, but you were never in their demographic target audience anyway.  No, I’m talking about majorly successful rock bands who, for sometimes undefinable reasons, just rub me the wrong way.

People may not like musical artists because of the unfavorable circumstances in which they first heard them.  Perhaps you found them noisy and harsh, or too derivative of another band you liked much better.  Or maybe you heard them on the car radio as your main squeeze was breaking up with you.  Or it could be that your boyfriend/girlfriend loved the group and you tried (unsuccessfully) to learn to love them too.

Here at Hack’s Back Pages, I try to focus on the good stuff from the 1955-1990 period. I have praised the bands, albums and songs that I think deserve it, and have pretty much ignored the rest. But every once in a while, I focus attention on the music that I feel does NOT deserve the success it has achieved, and this post will be one of those instances.

As you peruse this list of ten popular classic rock bands I cannot stand, it will become abundantly clear to you that I cannot abide groups that have poor singers.  I hold Robert Plant, Roger Daltrey and even Ozzy Osbourne (in Black Sabbath days) as exemplars of hard rock singers who have a command of melody and control without constantly consorting to shrieking and howling like a bag of angry cats.

I also have a problem with bands who can’t seem to write songs that show at least a modicum of musical sophistication.  Yes, I know, rock ‘n’ roll is supposed to be basic, primal, rebellious, energetic, revolutionary.  But must it be devoid of actual melody and harmony?

Go ahead, call me a snob, or a dinosaur.  I can take it.

I know I’m going to piss off a whole lot of people here — people who will no doubt vigorously disagree with some of the bands I’m criticizing. Too bad.  It’s my blog.  If you want to come up your own list of ten bands you never liked, you might start your own blog.  But hey, I’d still be happy to hear your objections, or your candidates for bands that you think should be on a list like this.

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Aerosmith

They have had their moments:  The 1974 anthem “Dream On” is a great classic, and their 1975 LP “Toys in the Attic” is pretty consistent.  But I’ve never cared for Steven Tyler’s screechy voice, and I would venture to say that nearly every album they made was more filler than anything worthwhile.  I made the mistake of trying to read Tyler’s appallingly self-indulgent 2012 autobiography, “Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?” which made me dislike him as a person as much as I disrespect him as a singer.  The group fell apart in the ’80s and I thought that was the well-deserved end of them, but then they were somehow reborn in the late ’80s with more singles and albums and tours.  I had no use for any of it.  Joe Perry is a pretty solid electric guitarist, but that’s about the extent of anything nice I can say about these bad boys from Boston.

John Mellencamp

Before you Mellencamp fans come looking for me with a meat ax, let me just say that I don’t hate him or his music.  But I sure don’t love it either.  It’s just okay, and he’s way overrated.  Maybe it’s because he came along in Bruce Springsteen’s shadow, but I always thought of Mellencamp as a cheap imitation, a poor man’s attempt at Springsteen’s perceptive and effective working class anthems and public persona.  (I suppose you could say the same about Bob Seger, a fine rock singer of basic Midwest rock songs.  He was very good, but he wasn’t The Boss.)  Mellencamp has toured incessantly and continued to release new albums every couple of years, and some of them are even interesting in places.  But I can only shrug my shoulders and say, “Eh…”

Van Halen

Even if you account for Eddie Van Halen’s remarkable lead guitar solos and riffs throughout the group’s early catalog, one fact remains:  For the most part, Van Halen is mind-numbingly average.  They sometimes did a nice job on vocal harmonies, and David Lee Roth was actually a strong singer, but most of the group’s material is just so boring, plodding, nondescript.  And yet, these guys are held up as some sort of saviors of hard rock music during the disco/New Wave era.  Sorry, I’m not buying it.  Things got way worse when they recruited Sammy Hagar (also a decidedly average talent at best) to take over for Roth in 1985.  Just like that, a band that was capable of the occasional B- classic rock track (“Runnin’ With the Devil,” “Dance the Night Away”) suddenly slipped to C- and worse.  Thanks for nothing, Sammy…

Styx

Oh, spare me.  I’d rather plunge knitting needles into my ears than put up with five seconds of Dennis DeYoung’s cringe-inducing vocals.   “Lady”?  “Babe”?  “Come Sail Away”?  “Mr. Roboto”???  Just awful stuff, all of it, thanks to that voice.  I was so turned off that I never bothered to explore Styx’s catalog until very recently, and I wasn’t even aware that DeYoung and guitarist Tommy Shaw feuded continually, each left the band for solo careers, and attempted reuniting with little success.  Things got so bad between DeYoung and the rest of the band that his name has been omitted from Styx’s official website, as if he had never been a member.  Ouch.  Maybe there’s hope yet for me to learn to appreciate the Styx stuff without DeYoung on it.  We’ll see.  But I maintain my dislike of the Styx songs that were played ad nauseum in the late ’70s and early ’80s.

Bon Jovi

Simplistic, unimaginative, unremarkable, annoying.  That’s Bon Jovi in a nutshell to me.  I recognize that Jon himself is quite the hunk who brings tons of women to his concerts.  And there are a few moments buried on his albums that stand out from the numbing sameness of his oeuvre.  But I’m sorry, he’s just not for me.  I’ve been listening to a lot of Bon Jovi’s stuff the past week, racking my brain to pinpoint what it is about them that leaves me cold.  I suppose it’s because they sound to me like a hundred other groups.  Not much originality to speak of.  When I hear even their big hits like “Livin’ On a Prayer,” I have to think, “Who is this again?”  It could be any other nameless American group of the 1980s, and I’m just not impressed.

AC/DC

If you want to send me running screaming from your room, just cue up AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap,” one of the saddest excuses for a hard rock anthem ever recorded.  These guys were Australia’s biggest rock success story, and for the life of me, I have never understood why.  “Fingernails on a blackboard” is the most accurate way to describe the voice of original AC/DC vocalist Bon Scott.  Simply unlistenable.  I find it both telling and pathetic that when Scott died of self-inflicted alcohol poisoning in 1980, the band held auditions and came up with a replacement (Brian Johnson) who somehow matched that excruciating larynx-shredding style (it certainly can’t remotely be called singing).  Nevertheless, the group has sold untold millions of copies of albums, and they rank among the most popular rock acts of all time.  Not in my house, man.

Beastie Boys

Originally a hardcore punk band out of New York City in 1980, this trio made the switch to hip-hop in 1985, and became the first white group to dabble in (and find success with) what had exclusively been a black phenomenon.  I admit to not much caring for hip-hop in general, but I found these guys irritating for trying to pose as something they weren’t.  Suburban white kids chose to eat them up, and they proceeded to release eight Top 20 albums (including four Number Ones) over the next 30 years.  Incredible.  And to add musical insult to eardrum injury, The Beastie Boys were actually inducted into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame a few years ago.  Like I said, there is NO accounting for taste.

Guns ‘n Roses

Debuting in 1985, they claimed to be “a mixture of hard rock, punk, blues and metal.”  It’s a horrendous mess, mostly.  As with almost every band I’ve mentioned here, they had a couple of memorable tracks.  By far, their best moment was the 8-minute anthem “November Rain,” which has two parts, showcasing their melodic side followed by a lengthy guitar solo by Slash.  I just couldn’t get into the band overall, though, partly because vocalist Axl Rose was such a pretentious ass who was simply begging to be punched in the face.  But again, who can explain the preferences of millions of rock music fans who found anything appealing about GNR’s music?  I just don’t hear it.

KISS

Bwahahahahaha!  There is absolutely nothing musical to be heard from this band of costumed showmen.  And let’s be clear, even Gene Simmons has said KISS was born of the notion that it didn’t much matter what they played.  It was all about the pyrotechnics, the light show, the sheer volume and, of course, the face paint and faux-threatening poses they struck onstage.  To attend a KISS concert was to be assaulted and overwhelmed by what you saw more than what you heard.  Therefore, to listen to a KISS album was an exercise in total futility, for there was nothing there deserving of your time.  But sure enough, the group’s fans lobbied for years until these clowns were also inducted in the Rock Hall.  As showmen?  Well, okay, I guess.  As musicians?  Not on your life, nor mine.

Ted Nugent

All right, here’s credit where it’s due:  When he was only 19, Nugent was the lead guitarist and songwriter for a ’60s band out of Michigan called The Amboy Dukes, who were responsible for a wonderful psychedelic nugget from 1968 called “Journey to the Center of Your Mind,” which reached #16 on the charts.  Okay, that’s the only good thing I have to say about this raging lunatic.  He inexplicably became a popular solo artist in the mid-’70s, riding the wave of dreck like “Cat Scratch Fever,” where his voice sounds like, well, a feverish catfight.  So I’ve never liked any of his harsh, tone-deaf albums, but an even better reason to dismiss him is for his hateful political views that include condoning violence against gun control advocates.  The guy is an unhinged racist and thoroughly unlikable in every way.

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I started putting together a Spotify playlist of songs by these bands, but then I said to myself, “Why on earth would anyone ever listen to it?  I certainly wouldn’t.”  So if you happen to enjoy any of the ten bands mentioned above, by all means, head on over to Spotify, or to your album/CD collection, and put ’em on.  Just don’t invite me over until you’re finished.