And I feel like I’ve been here before

I was sitting around with some friends recently and we got to talking about our favorite albums of all time.  For a music lover like me, who has been collecting albums and CDs since I turned 13 in 1968, I’ve got about 100 favorites, mostly from the ’60s and ’70s, but also a few from the ’80s, a couple in the ’90s, and one or two from the ’00s and the ’10s.

For most of us, our choices tended to lean toward the music we discovered when we were between about 14 and 25.  These were the albums we memorized, playing over and over again at pivotal times in our lives, and they occupy an important place in our hearts.

I could list my top 100 here, but that would probably be boring, and there isn’t space to talk about them all.  Instead, I’d like to take a closer look at two albums that rank in my Top 20.  They’re by the same group and released within 12 months of each other, and I’d wager they are favorites of many of my readers too.

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In the late Sixties, the harmless, fun pop music of the ’60s (The Turtles, the Cowsills, Sonny & Cher) was still maintaining a hold on the singles charts as the heavier rock stylings of the blues/acid/psychedelic segment of the day (Jefferson Airplane, Jimi Hendrix, Cream) was making an impression on the album charts.

But then in May 1969, the pop/rock music world was given a sizable jolt with the Crosby Stills and Nashstunning debut of a new “supergroup” (when that term was brand new) who seemed to create a new rock and roll sub-genre — “singer-songwriter rock,” as it came to be known.

David Crosby, a superlative harmony singer, had been a major player in The Byrds, the band that had played a key role in bringing Bob Dylan’s music to a mainstream audience with their #1 version of “Mr. Tambourine Man” in 1965.  Crosby and leader Roger McGuinn had steered the group through impressive changes, offering up 12-string adaptations of the Book of Ecclesiastes (“Turn Turn Turn”), pop-oriented psychedelia (“Eight Miles High”) and straight-ahead pop rock (“So You Want to Be a Rock and Roll Star”).  Crosby began writing atmospheric songs that didn’t fit The Birds’ plans, which led to his stormy departure.

Stephen Stills brought even more diverse talent to the table.  With the seminal country rock band Buffalo Springfield, Stills had emerged as an extraordinarily skilled guitarist, both acoustic and electric, and his Louisiana-based vocals carried the day on original tunes like “For What It’s Worth” (“Stop, hey, what’s that sound”), “Bluebird” and “Rock and Roll Woman.”  He had also made major contributions to the Grammy-winning LP “Super Session” with Al Kooper and Mike Bloomfield.

Graham Nash, meanwhile, had been a founding member of Britain’s The Hollies, a hugely successful and influential pop harmony group throughout the ’60s, who scored on such tunes as “Bus Stop,” “Look Through Any Window,” “Carrie-Anne,” “Dear Eloise” and a dozen others.  It was Nash’s high harmonies that gave The Hollies their distinctive Everly Brothers-type sound.

So Crosby and Stills, each looking for a new direction, decided to put their talents together and began jamming, nurturing early demos of Stills’ “You Don’t Have To Cry” and Crosby’s “Long Time Gone.”  They liked where things were going, but they weren’t yet sure if they had what they were looking for.

Enter Nash, brought to them by The Mamas and The Papas’ Cass Elliot, a much-beloved “earth mother” of the Laurel Canyon scene, where Crosby and Stills and many other musicians were living at the time.  She had heard the early possibilities of Crosby and Stills, and openly wondered whether there was a place for Nash’s high voice on top of their work.

When they first sang together, taking a stab at “You Don’t Have to Cry” — “In the morning when you rise, do you think of me and how you left me crying…” — the shivers went up and down the spines of everyone who was in the room to hear it.  They actually fell Crosby_Stills_Diltz_1down laughing, totally blown away at the combined sound of their three voices. When Nash mentioned, “I’ve got a couple of songs I think might work for us,” they realized they had something truly special:  Three great songwriters with three great voices.  They rehearsed for months, then booked studio time, and whipped ten tracks into shape.

Entitled simply “Crosby, Stills & Nash,” the album was damn near perfect from beginning to end.  I couldn’t get enough of these incredible songs:  “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes,” “Marrakesh Express,” “Guinevere,” “You Don’t Have to Cry,” “Pre-Road Downs,” “Wooden Ships,” “Lady of the Island,” “Helplessly Hoping,” “Long Time Gone” and “49 Bye Byes.”  Stills played nearly all guitar parts, plus keyboards and bass, while Crosby and Nash focused on vocals, singing lead on their own songs and harmonies on the others.

Top 40 stations picked up on “Marrakesh Express” and “Judy Blue Eyes,” while the album rocketed to #6 on the album charts in the summer/fall that year.  They were a big hit at Woodstock in August, and were on their way to superstardom.

There’s a marvelous karma-related story about the iconic album cover.  Crosby, Stills and Nash were driving around West Hollywood with photographer Henry Diltz, looking for a setting where they might shoot a photo of the threesome that captured the innocence and warm intentions behind the music they’d made.  They found an empty old house that still had a beat-up couch sitting out front, and they thought it was ideal.  With Nash CSNPorch825on the left, Crosby on the right, and Stills with an acoustic guitar in the middle, Diltz shot a roll of frames that captured the trio in their warm vibe.  When they looked at prints afterwards, they realized they had positioned themselves in the wrong order — Nash, Stills and Crosby.  A few days later, they returned to try again, but the house had been torn down!  So they used the shot they’d taken, and that’s why many people at first thought Crosby was the handsome dude in demin, and Nash was the wild-haired desperado in the fringe jacket.

Ahmet Ertegun, the savvy mogul who ran Atlantic Records, was eager to put his new stars on the road, but he knew they needed more musicians on stage to flesh out the sounds that Stills had created in a multilayered fashion in the studio.  The trio, adamant about keeping the friendly vibe between them, were wary, but agreed to take on drummer Dallas Taylor and bassist Greg Reeves for the tour.  But Ertegun wanted more than that, and he had a firm opinion about it:  “What you guys need is Neil Young.”

Young had been a very important part of Buffalo Springfield, and Stills admired the Canadian’s guitar playing, singing and songwriting.  But Young had been more of a moody loner than a team player, which caused such tension among the band members that they had imploded after less than two years.

And yet, there was no denying Young’s talents, and with Crosby and Nash on board, the CSNYrehearsal_lthreesome became a foursome.  In the fall of ’69, they began recording sessions for the follow-up to the CS&N debut, which was still doing very well on the charts and in the stores.

The group had gathered so much momentum that, by the time of its release in March 1970, “Deja Vu” had already reached gold record status, with a million advance orders.  To my ears, it’s even better than its predecessor, with another ten spectacular songs featuring the work of all four songwriters, plus a smokin’ electric arrangement of Joni Mitchell’s anthem “Woodstock.”  Crosby contributed “Almost Cut My Hair” and “Deja Vu,” Stills weighed in with “Carry On” and “4 + 20,” Nash added the radio hits “Teach Your Children” and “Our House,” and Young offered up “Helpless” and “Country Girl,” while R-1132195-1327135607.jpegStills and Young co-wrote the album closer, “Everybody I Love You.”

The second album feels darker in several ways.  There’s Young’s brooding persona coming through on “Country Girl,” and his harsh guitar work on “Woodstock.”  There is the ominous feeling of dread behind “4 + 20,” with its lyric, “I find myself just wishing that my life would simply cease.”  Most of all, there is Crosby’s angry paranoia on “Almost Cut My Hair,” a harrowing track that was written following the accidental automobile death of his girlfriend.  Even the album cover — corrugated black cardboard with gold-leaf lettering over a glued-on, sepia-toned photo of the band in Civil War-era clothes — was so much more unsettling than the communal front-porch cover of their debut LP nine months earlier.

And sure enough, Young didn’t stick around very long.  After an eight-week tour in the spring/summer of ’70, America’s supergroup was no more.  They each went off to make solo records (although they did make guest appearances on several tunes), and Crosby and Nash soon teamed up to find success as a duo for several years.  The original threesome found their way back together in 1977 with their hugely popular “CSN” album, and these four guys have staged numerous reunions and tours over the years since.

IMG_5200But the magic of the first two albums lives on, at least for me.  All these decades later, I still treasure these two records.  I know all the lyrics by heart and love to play a few of the songs on guitar.  When I hear these tracks, I find myself singing along with different vocal parts as the mood strikes me.

Just listen to the beauty of Crosby’s songs “Guinevere” and “Deja Vu,” with their ethereal chords and striking vocal gymnastics.  Or the timeless words and accessible melody of Nash’s “Teach Your Children,” bolstered in a huge way by Jerry Garcia’s guest appearance on pedal steel guitar.  Or the amazing guitar dexterity behind “Suite:  Judy Blue Eyes,” Stills’ ode to his then-lover Judy Collins.  Or the smoldering guitar parts Young provided throughout “Deja Vu.”

They captured the times as well as any music being made during that period, and the competition was daunting:  The Stones, The Who, Simon and Garfunkel, Van Morrison, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, all operating at or near their peak.

Crosby, Stills & Nash.  And Young.   I always thought their name sounded like a law firm…but their music sounded like perfection.

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The Spotify playlist below includes a few demo versions of the songs on the official releases.  I wanted to include more — there’s an amazing 8-minute version of “Almost Cut My Hair” you should hear — but some are not available through Spotify…

In future installments, I intend to write in detail about many more of my all-time favorite albums.  Needless to say, I recommend you “drop the needle” on these records to explore, and re-explore, their excellence.

All things must pass away

“Hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mum, you got to see the person I have become, spread your wings, and I know that when God took you back, He said, ‘Hallelujah, you’re home’…”  Ed Sheeran

Music can be such a powerful force.

It can make us joyous and get us up off our feet, it can soothe our aching wounds, it can take us back in time, it can bring us to our knees.  In celebration or in desolation, it’s always there to help us crystallize our thoughts and emotions about the joyous and tragic events of our lives.

Through the years, popular music has tended to be mostly sunny and optimistic, but there have been hundreds of examples of songs that deal with loss and grief.  For example, we can reach back to George and Ira Gershwin’s groundbreaking 1935 opera “Porgy and Bess,” which includes a heart-wrenching song of longing called “My Man’s Gone Now”:   “My man’s gone now, ain’t no use listening for his tired footsteps climbing up the stairs, old man sorrow’s come to keep me company, whispering beside me when I say my prayers…”

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Five years ago, on her 90th birthday

Earlier this month, I lost my mother, Phyllis Hackett, who passed away at age 95.  It was quite a long and wonderful life she had, but it still hurts mightily — for me, for my sister, for the grandchildren and other relatives, and for the many who called her their friend — to lose her.

“Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking, but I stay strong and I hold on, ’cause I know I will see you again, this is not where it ends, I will carry you with me…”  David Hodges/Hillary Lindsey/Carrie Underwood

These kinds of events take your breath away in their suddenness and their finality, and no one knows exactly what to do, or feel.  It just doesn’t seem real, like a nightmarish scene from a bad movie.  And those left behind to mourn are searching for ways to cope, to heal, to put it all in perspective and somehow make sense of it.

“Like a comet blasting ‘cross the evening sky, gone too soon, like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon…”  Michael Jackson

The Internet is full of documented scientific studies that show conclusively that music can reduce the intensity of pain, improve sleep, reduce stress, enhance blood vessel function, raise spirits and enhance mood, induce meditative states.  I’m pretty certain, though, that mankind has known this for many centuries before science proved it.  As they say, music has charms to soothe the savage breast:  “Music, sweet music, you’re the queen of my soul…”  Hamish Stuart

Musical eulogies come in a variety of forms, and they can provide just the right words and musical passages to help with what you’re going through.  Hymnals are full of songs to help deal with loss.  Gospel music reaches to the heavens to search for answers in life and death.

Country music is famous for its down-home laments about heartbreak and suffering: “The roses aren’t as pretty, the sun isn’t quite as high, the birds don’t swing as sweet of a lullaby, the stars are a little bit faded, the clouds are just a little more gray, and it feels like things won’t ever be the same…”  Gordon Garner

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With granddaughter Emily, 1994

If it makes you feel better to get right down into the depths of grief and have a really good cry, there are so many songs that can accompany you on that journey.  Some are merely about relationships that ended, but once you’ve lost someone, the same song takes on a more profound meaning: “She’s gone, she’s gone, oh why, oh why, I better learn how to face it, she’s gone, I can’t believe it, she’s gone, I’ll pay the devil to replace her…” Daryl Hall and John Oates

If, instead, you feel the need to snap out of it and celebrate the wonderful memories you have of the person you’ve lost, there are plenty of tunes for that too (“Celebrate good times, come on…”)  When I lost my dear friend Chris nine years ago, we didn’t have a funeral, we had a “celebration of life,” and it was wonderfully cathartic.  We listened to “Reelin’ in the Years,” among many others, and cherished him for the way we know he would have insisted that we focus on the positive and not dwell on the loss.  My mother felt much the same way.

Pop music can be so fleeting, but it can still tug at the heartstrings when it addresses serious topics, and very effectively:

“And I know that you’ve reached a better place, still, I’d give the world to see your face, it feels like you’ve gone too soon, the hardest thing is to say bye bye…”  Mariah Carey

“I’m so tired but I can’t sleep, standing on the edge of something much too deep, it’s funny how we feel so much, but we cannot say a word, we are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard…”  Sarah McLachlan

“Now you’re gone, now you’re gone, there you go, there you go, somewhere I can’t bring you back…”  Avril Lavigne

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With granddaughter Rachel, 1997

Even hip-hop, infamous for its rage and bombast, can offer solace. In 1997, rapper Puff Daddy and Faith Evans collaborated on “I’ll Be Missing You,” which used The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” to create a eulogy to The Notorious B.I.G., who died that year.  “Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every day I pray, I’ll be missing you…”

Perhaps words of any kind are distracting, and you need instruments without voices.  Classical music is often ideal in that situation.  Or perhaps jazz, or “easy listening” music like Sinatra or Nat King Cole.  Anything that lets you float in your thoughts.

Sometimes the lyrics aren’t quite right for what you’re feeling, but the music… the music is exactly what you need to hear.  For instance, check out the majestic chorus of the amazing Leonard Cohen piece, “Hallelujah,” a waltz/gospel piece written in 1984 and interpreted by dozens of artists in arrangements that are alternately melancholy, fragile, uplifting or joyous.

Of course, there will always be specific songs that acutely remind us of the departed — songs you danced to together, songs you laughed to together, songs you sang with them at the top of your lungs.  And songs that you know they loved deeply, songs that will now always, always remind you of them.  If they liked Johnny Mathis or Frank Sinatra or even The Beatles, like my mother did, well then, perhaps that’s what you need to crank up.  Whatever works.  I feel pretty confident in saying that, somewhere, there is music that will help.

If I may be so bold, let me strongly suggest:  Immerse yourself in music.  It can be profoundly beneficial.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.  Just hearing something as iconic as James Taylor’s line “Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone…” will take on a whole new meaning for you now.  It may make you cry initially, but eventually it will help you heal.

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The Hacketts in 1990

Losing a loved one is so profoundly painful.  But it’s a certainty.  We will ALL lose people we love.  Grandparents, parents, friends, brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren.  It never seems fair, or right, or in any way good, but we all must eventually find a way to cope with the loss, to fill the void, to find the answer.

One of the time-honored ways for easing the pain is to surround yourself with friends and family who share your loss.  They get it.  They know exactly what you’re going through, and can call up a fun memory, an old story, a time from the past when it was all good and fun and right. “With a friend at hand, you will see the light, if your friends are there, then everything’s all right…”  Bernie Taupin  

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With the family in 2013

You can also look through old photos, which can be wonderfully comforting.  They transport you to an earlier time.  They can remind you, emphatically, why you miss this person so much. “Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer, I was taken by a photograph of you, there were one or two I know that you would’ve liked a little more, but they didn’t show your spirit quite as true…”  Jackson Browne

But music…well, if you’re like me, and you’re motivated to compile a mix of songs that focus on what you’re going through, you might look at these selections:

“Tears in Heaven,” Eric Clapton

“See You Again,” Carrie Underwood

“She’s Gone,” Hall and Oates

“All Things Must Pass,” George Harrison

“Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel),” Billy Joel

“Supermarket Flowers,” Ed Sheeran

“Gone Too Soon,” Michael Jackson

“Hallelujah,” Leonard Cohen

“Here Today,” Paul McCartney

“Candle in the Wind,” Elton John

“Dreaming With a Broken Heart,” John Mayer

“I Grieve,” Peter Gabriel

“Everybody Hurts,” R.E.M.

“Let It Be,” The Beatles

“Heaven Got Another Angel,” Gordon Garner

Music is a remarkable medicine.  Let it help you cope with loss.

“The darkness only stays at nighttime, in the morning it will fade away, daylight is good at arriving at the right time, it’s not always gonna be this grey, all things must pass, all things must pass away…”  George Harrison